Berry v. Devlin

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You’re out of your league with the cellular crew
You’ll feel the fatigue when you’re out-rhymed by a jew
When you try to mess, with the accessories of the desk
You’re gonna feel the stress when your beats are grotesque

you got some flows and your rhymes are tight
but I got the hos and your lyrics are trite
Come on by, see my full-spectrum lamp
then you’ll see why I make the ladies damp

I’ve read your rhymes twice. I still find them dull.
The system is down, there’s no cellular signal.
A new crew in town; the 99th percentile;
No one flows better, neither jew nor gentile

Now I’ll give my props for your work, pioneering
And the way that you flow about Civil Engineering.
The Cellular Crew with its paper-themed lyrics
I’m sorry to tell you your victories were pyrrhic.

I just stopped by Staples, to check out the lamps
I saw you and your "ladies" or should I say tramps
Your fancy desktop its all for appearance
Your office supplies, you got em on clearance.

Get yourself a desk before you come out swinging
Your shit’s all over, you’re writing in wingdings
You don’t have a name, you don’t have a following
Instead of the hos, you’re the one swallowing

I got a six-in-one: printer, fax and scanner
You’re still scribbling on your paper day planner
You’re the quill while I’m the pencil
All your rhmyes are just coincidental

I can’t hear you when you try your zinging
My studying headphones, they’re noise-cancelling.
So quit while you’re behind, take my advice.
As for my all my shit: market price.

Lets not get all 2 Pac and Biggie
We both like to flow, so let’s just get Jiggy
Before we bury hatchets before we say truce
Gonna check out your workspace and spit some abuse

With an ominous tone, you flow about your desk
Listening to them’s painful, rather kafkaesque.
Printer, fax and scanner - adds up to 3
The real six-in-one - well, that sh!t is me.

Wearing those headphones, you look like Warren Jensen*
Google that name, so I’ll get your attention
I’m a Quill, your a pencil; that’s fine, number 2
I sign the Constitution, you watch Cpt. Kangaroo

This may be hard to process, since your running in DOS
But unlike Tony Danza, I know who’s the boss.
Mayday, mayday, and a desperate S-O-S
Eric’s hard drive is crashing cause he can’t take the stress.


I see your pleas, you’re begging for mercy
You’ve been out-classed, go home to Jersey.
You’re Slip Slidin’, while I’m Paul Simon
Just give up now, so I can keep rhyming.

You bring up Kafka, but you’ve never read The Castle,
Cartoons are what you bring to this rap battle.
So yeah I run DOS, but it’s in emulation
While you’re just running from constipation.

I’ll harass you with my lyrics, like Isiah Thomas
That’s not a threat, it’s a Cell-Crew promise.
It’s time to get prepared, go get ready
Your rhymes are free falling, as would say Tom Petty.

You’re Kucinich sans hot wife, and I’m Obama
When I’m finished with you, you’ll be crying for your mama
You’re DVD, while I’m HD and Blu-Ray
Go upgrade yourself at Comp USA

I tried to be subtle, I have tried to make nice
you show no respect, so you’ll now pay the price
Paul Simon, you claim, is who you resemble
Your rhymes, like his body, are not very nimble

About my book knowledge,you make accusations
Like K, in "the Castle", its endless frustrations
Ah you see, I know Kafka, so stop being smug
Or like Gregor Samsa, I’ll step on you bug.

You’re use of Tom Petty, made me want to hurl
Typical rhymes from an American Girl.
You’re use of Obama was my favorite part
When Kucinich is pledging, his hands on his heart.

The Cellular Crew has drawn its last breath
like Duncan ex ante a visit from Macbeth
You’re talking of Blu-Ray, you boast of High Def
I take you as seriously as that cute Swedish Chef

I will crush you out, like section 12(a)(1)
I can see your scared, although I’ve just begun
My rhymes are chosen with strict utility
My punishments doled like strict liability

There’s a crew in town, you call yourselves cellular
Dazed by my flows, well you know, I can tell you were
There’s a buzz on the streets and at office max
That their rhymes were repressive a new-day stamp tax

But a hero emerges, less nerdy, its true
To bring rhymin’ freedom, Rap-A-C-L-U
When we rap on their turf at the Max and Depot
For our rhymes they applaud us, that our quid pro quo

Back at their desks, with staples and ruler
Where is your Crew, I’m callin’ (pause) Buehler?
All high tech and gadgets, a brand new P.C.
Well, you just got played, son, like you were my Wii.

You bring up code sections, you’re sounding legal
But your rhymes are a relic, like a Buick Regal
Instead I’m half Prius, the other - Rolls Royce
Desk accessories are my method of choice

You’re the Screech to my Zach Morris
You study law, while me, the clitoris.
So type this in your electric translator
You’d be Belding and me, AC Slater.

If we were paper, I’d be called "high speed"
You’d jam the printer, get stuck and concede
I make up my rhymes, I go out and invent
you are my recycled post-consumer content

The Village Ma crew, down the DJ food chain
We’ll sink you all, like the USS Maine.
Fitzgerald and Fitzgerald might be useful to your crew
Since you both are brain damaged, you might need to sue

We’re smart, yes its true! Just as Nick stated.
The village Ma crew, is so educated
In law and mathematics, in spanish and french
When we’re playing ball, you are warming the bench

Hating on America, and siding with Spain
While you commit treason, Ma "remembers the Maine"
Your spite for our country, we find it quixotic
Forever the Ma Crew will be patriotic

Desk supplies are cool, nah I’m just pretending
You’re in a fair tale, but there’s no happy ending
You’ve try to emulate with pop cultural reference
I knew that your fold and show me some deference

Your rhymes they are dirty and covered in mire
Here’s a pop culture reference for you to admire
My confidence lets me warn you of attack
My rhymesthey will send you like Alf back to Melmac

And when you stop reeling, from flows that are sweet
I’ll check out my Zagats, tell you where to eat
I’ll be there with Smallwood, the whole crew bourgeois
That’s right we’re elitist, cause we’re Village Ma!

Your crew, it fell apart, like Cain and Abel
Your desk ain’t nothing but a coffee table
DJ Smallwood, his eye is all busted
and DJ Gluckman, his trombone is rusted

When you rhyme, I see perplexed looks
People say it’s boring, sounds like text books
But I’m the Maus of the rapping scene
Smart, sometimes historical, that’s my routine

If you sign up, I’ll give you a hip hop tutorial
For your wardrobe, my expertise is also sartorial.
You were fried in our battle, like an enchilada
The Cell Crew won, that’s res judicata

You’re looking for my crew? Am I their keeper?
They’re coming for you, like the grimmest of reepers.
Smallwood’s eye is busted, cause he’s an old school G
And DJ Gluckman can play yous like an mp 3

When I rhyme, the perplexed looks are on your faces
Cause my flows move past you, like Roger Federer’s aces
But you keep droning on about your desk
Its painful, like watchin Sirkin dance Burlesque

Your hip-hop tutorial, your lessons on rhyme
Are like current mortgages, except more subprime
Relating us to Mexican Food was rather dumb
Of all ethnic food its voted number one!

A nod to the legal rhymes, that’s Village Ma style
Next I’ll expect you bring up the nautical Mile.
Cell Crew got listed on Nasdaq - impressive
Explains why the market has gotten recessive

You know you’re wrong, You know you’re mistaken.
Your policies are wack, just like Ronald Reagan’s.
You’re trying trickle-down, but your rhymes are just too poor
Do you get my reference, or is it too obscure?

Yeah, that’s right, I can kick it historical
So listen to my story, I’ll get allegorical
There once was a crew, it lacked cohesion
When they try to rap, it sounds like sneezin’

Open your Zagat’s and look up Village Ma
13 for Rhymes, "So-so" and "bourgeois."
"The service underwhelms", and "their desks blow"
I hate to say these things, but it’s just apropos

At least we’re on the Nasdaq, you’re rolling AmEx
That’s like being DHL, compared to FedEx
Yeah you guys are cheaper, but you take twice as long
I just aced you in rhymes, like I’ll do in ping pong.

Comparing us to Reagan, WOW! What a starter!
If we're trickle-down, well then you're Jimmy Carter
You think you rhyme regal, the envy of nations
At the end of the day, producing stagflation

I checked out the Cell Crew on Consumer Reports
Your tech gadgets productive, but only of Torts
Historical allegory is your lyrical sling shot
But its really just silly - more often than not

Now I'm gonna leave you with something to ponder
I hope it gets through to your cheap Crew transponder
Your rhymes are as robust as the gut of Kate Moss
When we battle I'm on fire like Ma's red Chili Sauce

You called me Jimmy Carter, here's a curve ball
He's the first prez born in a hospital
So you're calling me advanced, ahead of my time
yeah you're right - my rhymes are inventive and sublime.

You talk econ, look at your demand curve
Your price goes down when your raps are observed
You're on the cusp of a hip hop recession
Just like China, Cell Crew's the new direction

So press Control-H, that's Find-and-Replace
Where there's Ma, put the Cell Crew in its place.
You're the Whaling Commission, Crew Crew is Japan
We defy your orders, we've got our own master plan

In the realm of hip hop, Ma is cornering the market
While Cell Crew listens like Ndugu in About Schmidt
When Village Maís on the scene, demand is high and inelastic
Thatís why Cell Crew gets scared and Berry iconoclastic

Short sighted; you have a myopic rap condition
No Fear; Maís here, like your MC optician
China might seem like a new direction
But, Maís holdin-out for human rights protection

Satyameva Jayate from our Crew and emphatic
You see Ma believes in polities democratic
The exit polls are in, its natural selection
Ma has won, CNN can make the projection

You listen to our rhymes, always pressin control-C
Then when a crowd shows, its a session of control-V
From hellís heart you stab at us, do you get the allusion?
Or is the Whaling Commission causing Cell Crew confusion?

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